The crutch sits against the bed rails. I stare it down. It is the
most obnoxious thing in the world. I know I will be able to walk
again. It will take a bit though. Since both legs are broken.
The air socks inflate. Goddess Above, I *HATE* those things. I know
how necessary they are. The last thing I want is a blood clot on top of
everything else. They just seem to be the defining piece of equipment in
the legion of equipment I have attached. The IV is OK, the heart monitor
is OK, the ET finger O2 sensor is OK. I can ignore those much of the
time. No matter what I am doing, when the air socks inflate, I
stop. Partly because they hurt. Partly because I have no control
over it. It just drags my attention away from anything I am doing –
watching TV, reading my tablet, talking a journal entry into Evernote. It
just draws the attention. Why did they have to set them so tight?
I’ve asked at least three nurses here at rehab, and no one of them has told me.
They just repeat “Well, they are to prevent blood clots in your legs.”
Yes, I know that. I just feel like they are much too tight. Anyway,
they are what they are. I have better things to do. I go back to my
book. I’m reading “Pollyanna”. I need the glad game in the worst
way. I have not read this since I was a child. I have a problem, as
an adult, with the concept that the book is about only seeing the best and
there is no bad in the world. That is absolutely NOT what it is
about. It is about – damn those air socks – finding something positive in
all the darkness, finding a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to go
on. Pollyanna would say “Melody, be glad you can FEEL the air socks,
since they were not sure you were going to gain the feeling back in your legs.”
She would be right. Interesting that I should have been reading this
before the accident. She gets hit by an automobile (a very new thing, she
doesn’t realize how fast it goes relative to a horse.) They believe she
will never walk again. Of course, that is a big block to her playing the
game. Then people come that she has helped with the game and try to help
her to feel glad because she helped them. She finally comes to find
something positive. It is very hard for her… DAMN those air socks!!
©May 17, 2015 Michelle R. Owings-Christian
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